Before I launch into my latest life saga, I just have to say: Blogger has really changed since I last posted.
So, evidently, I stepped on that space on the board of life that everyone dreads: Return to Start. After over 4 years of separation, I am back to square one. I'm in the process of a divorce. I'm living back in The House, which we have, happily, in this frenzied housing market, sold before it was even listed, cash, no inspections. It was really a divorcing couple's dream (if there can be such a thing). What isn't a homeless divorcee's dream is the rabidly competitive buyer's market that we profited from a mere month ago. As soon as a place is listed, there are multiple offers on it. I have resigned myself to the fact that once again I will be renting, raising my son, and single, so yeah. Back to start. Especially for a woman that is edging dangerously close to 50...I mean, 40. Yeah, 40. <cough>
Speaking of single middle-aged women, I'm back at the online dating scene. I'm hoping this will provide some excellent blogging opportunities. I'm thinking of maybe calling it "101 Dates."
I have decided to attack the dating scene with a three-pronged approach. (Yes, I have been too long without sex.) I'm on a phone app called Bumble, which is a bust. I tried Tinder first, but for a hook-up app, there sure were a lot of people that preferred endless chatting to meeting. I did end up with two dates in one night, and shortly thereafter, deleted the app.
There wasn't much action on Bumble, which is supposed to be a woman-empowered app created by one of the co-founders of Tinder. The concept is good, I think, if it worked. You still do the usual swiping of left or right, and if you swipe right, you sit. And wait. And wait. And wait. Now, I admit initially there were a lot of good looking guys in the beginning, much better selection than Tinder. I was at least swiping right every 20 pictures, rather than my usual one for every 100. However, they still have to match you. And so you continue to wait. And wait...Oh! "You have a bumble in your hive!" so says the app when you finally get a guy to match you. You then have 24 hours to contact THEM. Yeah, there's your twist. That's the part I really like. It dodges the lame "Hey, sweetie," "Sup, babe," "Damn your fine" <sic> messages from your usual trolls. I got a few hive bumbles, and hurriedly contacted them within the 24 hours, before they disappeared from my hive, because you know, time is of the essence on these dating apps. I'll tell you it challenged my wit reserves and powers with the turn of phrase. Most of the guys had little to nothing on their profile, leaving me to riff off their user name or profile photo. Scant material to go on. Nevertheless, I prevailed and speedily sent off my missive. And waited. And waited. Now, once you have messaged them, they stay in your "hive," mocking you. Because they never message back. Yeah. Still waiting, which led me to prong number 2:
Match.com. Now the problem with match.com is you can do basically nothing but view people. Match.com teases you with telling you 121 people have viewed you, you have 37 winks, you have 20 messages, but every time you go to these options to get your ego stroked, it presents you with their subscription offerings. Up to this point, I was too cheap to lay down the cash. I would do the occasional search, but not see anyone worth subscribing for. Until now--because I have broken down and realized that the adage "Get under someone to get over someone" is probably sage advice. I'm also hoping that this will send out a great big, "Screw you!" (except the other word for screw, the one that has the "F" in it) in that sending-energy-through-the-Universe kind of way, where those waves find their way to your target and give them a great big punch in the balls. *POW* I digress.
So I subscribed for 3 months. Lots of views. A few interesting possibilities, but again, endless messaging back and forth. "How's your day?" "Great how's yours?" "Great! What kind of music do you like?" "Blah, blah music. What about you?" "Oh, you know, blah, blah, music. Sometimes blah, blah music, if I'm in the mood." And on and on...zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Not ONE has suggested meeting in person. I've got this regular pen-pal thing going on with one guy, who, when asked if he spoke Italian (due to his username being Live the Dream, but in Italian), replied, "No. I just eat it!" Yeah. <shaking head>
Third prong: POF or Plenty of Fish or, as one guy messaged me called it, Plenty of Fudgecicles. A guy, I'll note, that messaged me, I replied, and I haven't heard from him since. Now, POF is what I remember from my previous online dating experiences. Lots of views. Lots of messages. Things are hopping. At least in my mailbox. Again, out of all the messages, and there have been many, ONE guy cut right to the chase and mentioned meeting in person. The rest either dropped off the face of the earth after I messaged back or I've been having this ongoing correspondence with them. Admittedly, I've only been on there for a couple of days, so I could be being a tad impatient. I don't know. Is there now some kind of online dating etiquette that says you shouldn't mention meeting in person until the 20th message or 2 weeks have gone by, whichever comes first?
Anyway, onward and upward!
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