The setting: I had already purchased tickets for a jazz and burlesque show at one of
the local haunts, and I got to thinking it would be a little odd to attend a
burlesque show as a single woman. I thought, "Well, hell, Tinder is
supposed to be all about the spontaneity, right?" I had a lot
of guys say they wanted to go, but once I directed them to purchasing
their own tickets, all communication dropped off. I suppose, being Portland
guys (and consequently unemployed
or struggling artists or artisans), they expected me to purchase their ticket.
HA!
Anyway, I
finally got one bite. A guy that had a suspicious profile picture. It
was him with the sun behind him pouring rays over his face into the camera
lens. I have since found this is a popular angle for guys on dating websites.
It's the equivalent of using Vaseline over the camera lens. Anyway,
he was going to be late due to just coming off work (another warning sign. The
show started at 9 PM. Unless he is a nurse, there is no good job that has you getting off work after 9). He finally got there somewhere between 10 and 10:30.
Unfortunately, that was enough time for me to scan the crowd and see there were
a couple of attractive single guys there--alone. It turned out to be the
perfect setting for a date with no personality (which he happened to be). He
got points for offering to buy me a drink and for being somewhat ambitious. He
was climbing up the corporate ladder and was beginning a sales
position at Carmax, which would enable him to give up his day job. Hmmm...I do
expect someone over the age of 30 to be a little further in life than graduating
to a sales position at Carmax. ONE of us needs to be able to afford those
expensive dates at Portland's upscale restaurants.
The rest of the date involved us periodically getting up from the table and straining to see the burlesque show over other's people's heads. I will say, the show was really good. They had a great contortionist that rivaled some of the performer's I've seen at Cirque. In the hour and half before my date's appearance, I had a great time chatting with the man (a juggler that juggles at Wanderlust circus shows) and the contortionist's sister, who were sharing their table with me.
The date ended with an awkward, "So, maybe we can see each other again?" Me: "Um, sure." Him: nervous giggle, "Okay. Well, okay. I guess I'll see you." Me: "Yep."
I deleted my Tinder profile after I got home.
Points deducted:
- A deduction of 10 points for nervously giggling after every response to my questions.
- A deduction of 30 points for having no discernible personality. Granted, this was our first date, and it wasn't the most date-friendly setting, but hey, we're watching women twirl tassels on their tits. There's got to be some conversation starters there.
- A deduction of 10 points for greatest career achievement thus far being able to quit his day job because he just got promoted to sales position at Carmax.
- A deduction of 20 points for being monochromatic. I kid you not. This guy had no variance in his color palette. His skin was pale, his eyes were pale, his hair, including lashes and eyebrows, were pale. It was a very Caucasian theme.
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