See Spot

I think it is truly a toss up whether Walmart or Target attracts the most odd people. My latest excursion to Target (blissfully childfree) is at the top of the list currently, though.

I'm in the makeup section, and I can hear this woman over on the other aisle keeping up this constant chatter:

"I know, Honey. Mamma just needs to get this one little thing. I know you're tired, Baby, but Mamma's almost done. Okay, Baby, I just need you to move over here. Okay, move for Mamma, Sweetie. I know, you're tired, Baby, but just move for Mamma."

I'm hearing none of the squeals and screeches that one would usually associate with a tired and irritated child; so, I take a peek. I see this woman with her back to me in a scooter (need I say more?) with a golden retriever at her side. Okay, I've heard of those helper dogs, so I figure that's what this dog is. You know how people in scooters need a dog to retrieve their blush and what not. Help with the infinite choices between Loreal and Cover Girl. I see none of the typical alerts on the dog indicating that it is one of these animals, but whatever.

The one-sided conversation continues along the same lines (Mamma chastising her wayward pup), and despite the scooter, I continue to give the woman the benefit of the doubt, thinking she is in her right mind and these helper dogs are just very intelligent and can understand these very subtle "commands."

"Move to Mamma's right, Baby. No, Mamma's RIGHT, Baby."

I then finally hear another voice, male, begin to converse with her. Now assuming this isn't a talking dog, which would really make a lot more sense based on the way she was talking to it, I figure another human has now joined her, and I hear her telling him in an exasperated voice just how stressed out the dog is making her. Jeez, lady, you need a kid! I'd take a mute dog over a belligerent preschooler ANY day.

Okay, exit Lulu Land. I move on to another part of the store. Unfortunately, so do they. We're both in the pet section. Surprise, surprise! Evidently, Baby needs a new leash. I now see that this woman has a Chihuahua perched in her lap besides "Baby" at her side.

Okay, now as far as I know, Chihuahuas are not one of the top breeds for assistants to the disabled. I'm a big fan of the whole Taco Dog and all, but come on! I now have given up the benefit and come to the conclusion that this woman is pure, unadulterated nuts. As for her significant other--likewise.

The really weird thing is here's this woman spending all this time in Target with two dogs, and not exactly being subtle, and nobody is saying a word about it. I then start thinking, "Wait a minute. Is this one of those hoax things?" You know, they hire some actors to behave outrageously and at times insane and then film your average bystander's reaction for millions of viewers to see and scoff.

If you see me on 20/20 or one of those shows, I'll be the woman who is pretending to not notice the two freaks and their doggy companions shopping in a Target store.