Red or Black, Sailors Go Back; Yellow or Brown, Sailors Go to Town.

"Mom, the doctors said you need to look at the color of your pee and poop."

What? The doctors? What doctors? What?

"Yeah, the doctors. You know, the doctors on TV. They said you only need to worry when it's red or black." This said as Vaughn gestures animatedly, hopping around, demonstrating the different locations from which these substances emit.

Dave then interjects that there is a show called The Doctors that our hypervigilent, death obsessed child evidently caught a segment of.

"Uh-huh. If your poop or pee is red or black, it means you've got an infection in your butt."

As if I don't get enough of this at work, except this is like the Melena and Hematuria for Dummies version, not quite accurate but layman friendly.

"Well, Vaughn...that's...uh...good to know."