Mundane

I have been totally uninspired lately and thus have had very little to say. I'm going through one of my periodic funks again and feel bored and restless with my life. I have no idea what precipitates these episodes. I feel in great need of a change. A BIG change. When anybody asks what's new, I can honestly say, "Absolutely nothing." There lies the problem. I have nothing happening in my life. Zilch. Everyday is the same walk on the treadmill. I've heard people say that the only reason a person has to be bored is because they are boring. I confess: I'm guilty. I'm wallowing in a puddle of my own apathy to the point of drowning.

Is That All There Is?

Oh, wallowing in melancholy. Probably the result of too much leftover whiskey from St. Patty's. Feeling meaningless and very unpithy. I wish I had the guts to make a change and do something drastic. I absolutely abhor the grey of the Northwest. Always have. It's too accommodating to my mood. Well, thought I'd brighten your day.

Big Brother?

My friend the Party Girl told me she is finally pregnant with number 2 son/daughter. Shortly after I first met her, I knew they had plans of trying that year. That was probably over 2 years ago. I had kind of lulled myself into believing perhaps I would have company in being an onlie's mother. I have to admit. I had about 2 minutes of disappointment and depression. It more or less passed. However, I have been thinking about this more and more lately. I am, of course, certifiably crazy. My husband is not opposed to the idea, but thinks I'm delusional. Besides the fact that this is probably not my choice anyway. I haven't been on contraceptives for about 2-3 years now. Not that we have sex enough to actually make this a viable fact (my husband reminds me daily). I think he isn't opposed to the idea for the very reason that it means more nookie.

Vaughn thinks nobody likes him because "I don't have a brother or sister." God knows where this is coming from. I'm starting to look at babies longingly, but not in the way you think. Longingly as in "God, I so wish Vaughn were that size again and couldn't talk or have opinions."

All the reasons for having another one are just completely wrong, but of course, this doesn't keep me from seriously entertaining the idea of buying a ovulation predictor on Ebay and seeing if I can actually get pregnant.

I need to be institutionalized.

This Makes It All Worth It

Ah, that day has finally come. My son told me today he didn't love me, twice. Yep. These are those fuzzy warm moments that make you realize it was totally worth the 9 months of heartburn, constipation and hemorrhoids, 24-plus-hour labor, several hours of pushing, countless nights of sleeplessness, dirty diapers and spit up, mastitis, the extra 10 postpartum pounds, premature sagging breasts, and permanent flabby belly and downunder damage. Ah, ain't parenting grand?

On The Bright Side

I was lying waiting for the boy to finally pass out for the night when he says, "Maybe someday I'll have a new mommy and daddy."

What with all the continued death talk, I thought maybe he was now worrying about our future welfare.

"Why do you say that?"

"Just because. Maybe someday I'll have a mommy and daddy that don't count and give time-outs."

"Are you saying you WANT a new mommy and daddy that don't count and give time-outs?"

"Yes."

Speechless.

Deadly Observations and Ruminations

I read that because I do not have 6 female friends outside the home that I contact on a regular basis I will die at an early age. I shared this with my niece (one of the four females I count as friends), and she told me if that was the case, she will be dying young as well, except that this news doesn't make her want to reach out more to females for friendship but rather makes her get "cozy with the fact that I'll die in my 70s." She doesn't have kids yet. As for me, I've been racking my brain trying to manufacture females that I know that I can remotely construe as regularly contacted friends.

On an aside observation, I have noticed that people who say they "don't read" (not because of illiteracy but by choice) tend to be optimistic. Hmmm. I wonder if there has been a study done on that.

Speaking of death, my 4-year-old has been asking a lot of questions about this. Frankly, I was thinking this was something that would come along later down the road when his goldfish or something died. I first attributed it to my horse dying, but I didn't think it would impact him THAT much. After all, my horse has been up at my mom's since Vaughn's been alive. I did break the news to Vaughn, thinking since he has absolutely no concept of what the meaning of death is, this would be a fairly easy and passing thing.

However, then he started asking questions like, "Mommy, are you going to die?" (No. This was not after him having a time-out, although I did initially wonder about the motivation behind the query.) I stupidly initially answered this question with "Honey, everybody dies" (with the same emotion as "everybody poops"). To which he replied, "But then I won't have a mommy!" (Oh, boy.) "Sweetie, you will grow up, become a daddy, and then a grandpa and then a great-grandpa and you will have grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Then I will die." This seemed to satisfy him; although, given the above information, I'll be lucky if I make it to him being a daddy.